who i am.

Hey!!! for those who don't know me, my name is jaeda rich. i was born in baltimore maryland and raised by my grandparents here in VA. i have a brother and somewhat of a half sister whom my mother told me about. i hardly knew my father or what he even looked like for that matter. but one day, i'm praying to God that i'll get to meet him. as i grew up, i came to realize the mental disorder i had with being bipolar. sometimes i wish i could just change my ways and take back the things that i said. but i know now that god had something planned for me. and i have a feeling that he still does.

The las few days, i scared one of my dearest friends away, whom was like a family member to me. i would cry every night wishing that i'd have him back. my friends said to hold on, but i don't know if i can. that's when i forgot all about God. i started cursing and yelling at my parents because i thought they wouldn't understand. but all along they did, and i began beating myself. thinking that i was stupid. but i know i can't have my own way, then i asked myself, why doesn't god just take me away and then i realized that he wanted me to grow in him and not perish in the depths of hell.

i know that God is love and i know that he can handle things and that he'll still love me even though i had a cold heart. its just sometimes i wish i could turn back time and start over. but i know no matter how much i cry and send crappy emails, i know its never gonna change things. now here am i, typing this up with tears and preparing to go to my friends graduation. i just hope he'll want to talk to me there. and if not, i know ive done all i could. But i know that God will handle it. i really need God now. i can't keep on turning to my friends, i have to seek first the kingdom of heaven and recieve his blessing.